Spirituality and Practice with Thich Nhat Hanh

I signed up for an inexpensive e-mail course through the Spirituality and Practice website based upon the writings of Thich Nhat Hanh. The first step of this e-course is to set my intentions for this 40 day virtual retreat. This is the first time I have tried one of these courses.

So where am I and where would I prefer to be?

Right now if we take a look at just two small areas, physical health and work life, I am not taking care of myself or those around me. My weight is at an all time high. I feel sluggish and tired every day. I continue to have sinus problems and pain from sciatica and an arthritic hip. It seems as if I am caught in a spiral where the sinus infections and chronic pain keep me from physical activity, which leads to stress, eating, spending, and sloth.

In terms of work, I find it difficult to concentrate on customer projects and have not met commitments. Right now I have at least three clients to which I have not delivered work that I committed to complete on their behalf.

I continue to spend money on books, gadgets, music in order to I believe have some connection - a connection to things.

Much of my ego and anxiety is once again wrapped up in my role and position with the FIX Protocol organization. I spend too much time working on that and not taking care of our family business.

The first step in the e-course is to set my intention on what I want to be and do during this 40-day virtual retreat.

The little bit I have learned on this trek over the past seven years is that there is a difference between putting down some things you want to accomplish and making a firm intention. An intention is more than a wish or a want - part of the intention is a commitment to carry through, to completion.

I intend to:

• perform the daily practice specified in the email
• focus on my clients needs and resolve and complete the commitments that remain undone
• reduce my discretionary purchases, while increasing my earning
• start setting time aside for a quite moment, start yoga, start exercise
• read the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh that I already have acquired over the years

Anger and irritability
I have been quite irritable lately. An absurd example of this is I finally looked at a book I purchased over a year ago, "Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions" by Thich Nhat Hanh. I finally picked up this book I purchased and shelved over a year ago and immediately became incensed because each page only had a single sentence on it.
So the absurdity is not lost let me elaborate, I have shelves of unread books, here is one designed to help me focus on difficult emotions, and it is very brief, meaning it is an easy book to read and use. My response is negative and angry that I had been taken advantage of by the publisher at a minimum and perhaps by the author.

Why am I so upset? Is it with myself? How does this reaction involve my clear obsession with acquiring books usually that I want to use to gain a skill or transform myself, yet leaving these books unused?

On page 19 of "Taming the Tiger Within", Thich Nhat Hanh says:
"Before we can make deep changes in our lives, we have to look into our diet, our way of consuming. We have to live in such a way that we stop consuming the things that poison us and intoxicate us. Then, we will have the strength to allow the best in us to arise, and we will no longer be victims of anger, of frustration."

I find it intriguing that the form of the book that carries this message worked on my own weaknesses and emotional needs and attachments that I still am feeling anger at this moment. The human mind is a complex.