Guest Contribution

I received this as a Facebook Message to the Positive Imperative group. This arrived just in time as I was struggling with an initiative largely beyond my control where I need to accept that it is journey and a growth path just not for me but for others as well. Thanks Kristen (whoever you are) for the well timed and well articulated message.

Kristen Bezemer April 18 at 1:06am Reply

As I sit here listening to music and reminisce about all the amazing heartfelt moments in my life, I think of all of you... Because like you I have struggles in life, bad days, and even times where I want to give up. But then I think about it, and like every other turbulence that shakes us up, I realize that it always passes and turns smooth after we get through the worst... There are many questions that I am sure all of us have about life, society, people, and the list goes on... The important thing to remember is that everything always happens for a reason... There may be a lesson to be learned, or this may happen in order for something else to come in effect, the curiosities are endless... If we don't believe things will always get better, then what is the point of being here? I am sure most of you have been through pain, depression, loss, grief, but everyone has to remember at least one memory of being happier than you have ever been, right? We all have two choices in life, two paths we can take...We can either take everything in the worst way possible, or we can learn from everything we encounter in life, take it as it is and embrace life to the fullest... We were created on this earth to love life, feel amazing and most of all love and be true to ourselves... If we don't respect ourselves then it becomes hard to respect others... There will always be people in our lives who try and bring us down and make us feel unworthy of ourselves but the only thing that matters is that we believe in ourselves, because if we believe, anything in this crazy world is possible... And trust me, it's the complete truth... No matter what is going on in your life, trust in your heart to tell you what is right and what is wrong.. Your intuition, or gut feeling will always give you the correct answer... Once again remember it's okay to make mistakes and fall off the wrong path, but you just need to learn from each situation and get on the right one again... Everything will always turn around, as long as your true to your heart...

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself

When I see the near violent reactions to a health care bill that is of little substantive consequences and only minimally changes the status quo, I fully understand what Franklin Roosevelt meant when he said "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself". Health care is not working well in this country in terms of incentives and cost controls. But it is not broken so much that people will accept real change. The current bill will likely slightly improve things for some and slightly worsen things for others, but overall is using a squirt gun to put out a forest fire. Unfortunately, the bill probably is not so bad that the system would end up broken enough to lead to a real substantive change for the better. At some point we have to move beyond fear and back to a place of courage and individual responsibility that built this country.

The source of all evil is fear. The antidote to fear is faith.

I am working to walk in faith instead of fear.

We get what we need - if we are quiet and listen

Galatians 5:
16: This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.
17: For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would.
18: But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.
19: Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness,
20: Idolatry, witchcraft, hatred, variance, emulations, wrath, strife, seditions, heresies,
21: Envyings, murders, drunkenness, revellings, and such like: of the which I tell you before, as I have also told you in time past, that they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God.
22: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
23: Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
24: And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
25: If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
26: Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another

Thoughts on birthdays

A mythical traveler once recounted his birthday stories...

40th birthday - full of gusto and himself - a birthday party surrounded by 250 of his closest cronies - a professional baseball game - a rented bar with a live band - later after tequila - the night ended in a 9mm being pulled in a case of mistaken identity

41st birthday - spent the day alone in the cabin in the woods where he was living without electricity or running water - miserably alone after he had hurt the two people closest to him - even his children did not take the time to see him

...

50th birthday - at the same cabin - after a day spent working on the property with his wife and partner in all things, children and their partners and grand children join them for a quiet day together

Choices... commitment...

Learning that sometimes life is defined and enriched more by what we consciously chose to leave out than what we chose to experience and take in...

Saw this on a post on the ODE Magazine Facebook page - Gandhi

Seven Social Shadows:

1. Politics without principles
2. Wealth without work
3. Pleasure without conscience
4. Knowledge without character
5. Commerce without morality
6. Science without humanity
7. Worship without sacrifice.

-- Gandhi

Thoughts on Pain - the physical and emotional

Been a bit too busy of late - but meeting commitments and more importantly weighing commitments more carefully before I take them on.

Lots of thoughts about pain of both the physical and emotional variety, especially the latter.

We are taught much by our parents and our children. They are mirrors into our selves. JimN

So I thought about this emotional pain a bit.

Knowing that emotional pain can lead to growth and spiritual evolution if not medicated doesn't make it any easier-this is the role of faith. JimN

But other's wiser than me have also contemplated pain

Kahlil Gibran

Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars.

[Pain] is the bitter potion by which the physician within you heals your sick self.
Kahlil Gibran

Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.
The Prophet

You shall be free indeed when your days are not without a care nor your nights without a want and a grief, But rather when these things girdle your life and yet you rise above them naked and unbound.
The Prophet

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, and yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
Kahlil Gibran
The Prophet, On Children

Physical Pain

By stretching for long periods of time - and enduring excruciating pain for those few moments - I have been able to reduce the amount of pain caused by an arthritic hip. The more I work these exercises - holding the stretches often for more than two minutes while practicing purposeful breathing in through the nose and then exhaling through pursed lips - being sure to contract the abdominal muscles - the less pain and discomfort I feel during the day. Inactivity is the enemy of old and arthritic joints - pain finds a fast home therein. A reduction in pain then requires a commitment to enduring it intensely but for a few brief moments a day. There must be a greater lesson in there somewhere.

My iPhone has an excellent stopwatch built into the Clock application that I use to time these stretches. Just a few minutes of pain a day provides freedom from suffering.

These techniques I use are a combination of standard athletic stretches and physical therapy exercises, but the duration of the stretches is derived from myofascial release techniques learned from my wife who herself learned them in a quest to reduce shoulder pain.

365 Tao: Cooperation

"Cooperation with others.
Perception, experience, tenacity.
Know when to lead and when to follow." -365 Tao #17

Text

"When we become involved with a fellowship, we must gradually become an integral, organic part of that organization. The relationship will be one of mutual influence: We must carefully influence the collective, and in turn, we will be shaped by the company we keep."

Thoughts
I, probably like many, have trouble trusting and relinquishing control in order to be a productive part of a group. We don't take the time to listen to others, to try and understand their point of view.-p.a.

365 Tao by Deng Ming-Dao

Friendship

A friend who is far away is sometimes much nearer than one who is at hand. Is not the mountain far more awe-inspiring and more clearly visible to one passing through the valley than to those who inhabit the mountain?"-Kahlil Gibran

Thoughts
The Internet through email, Facebook, Skype allows us to form new friendships and reconnect to old friends. We must remember that friendship is about mutual respect and caring. Friendships can be compromised and damaged by forming emotional attachments that go beyond simple friendship. Even though this risk clearly exists - there is great value via the Internet to create communities that allow us to feel part of something, to allow us to feel we are not alone in the world. On balance all technological innovations come with both positive and negative consequences. I want to focus and commit to the positive benefits. Things are what we make them, by themselves they "are only what they are".

I am reminded of Robert Frost's great poem "Mending Wall" - which we usually shorten to "Good fences make good neighbors". But that is far too simple an interpretation, leaving aside any likely Freudian subtexts, the poem questions this simple truth and asks us to go further and asks us to examine our actions.

Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.

Friendships are complex things, they require care and feeding, patience and understanding. But true friendships are great rewards for a life well lived.

Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity. -Kahlil Gibran

My closest friend wrote this for me many, many years ago:

Our dreams-- those flowers--
where have they gone?
It's been a long time passing
and those flowers--our dreams--
have lost their petals one by one.

I remember you gently caressing
the petal that held the hope of
being with me every night.

We carefully planed our dreams--
two cautious gardeners pressing dirt
gently around the seeds of our love.
The seeds grew.
But it has been a long time passing
Since we watered them together.

I remember you planting the seed
of hope for having many lively and
beautiful children with me.

Our dreams-- those flowers--
Where have they gone? Why did
the petals drop one by one?
Are the roots of those dreams
just buried-- can we grow them again?
Or has the whole plant died?

To which I responded by action and now try to capture in words:

The plow and scythe that were a big part of me are
finally abandoned, left to rust,
so that the garden can be allowed to grow without disruption.

This plant, tattered, weather worn, and
with the strength of an oak, survives on 'til this day.

This, despite the gardener's occasional neglect,
droughts, and long winters.

For this I shall be forever grateful.

Spring seems always within our grasp.

So fortunate am I to have my closest friend so close to me. I truly wish all my friends may experience the same bounty that can come from tending to and growing a close relationship.-p.a. 2010-01-17

More Kahlil Gibran Quotes

Courage

Courage is not about fearlessness, it is about acting with integrity in the face of fear.

This came to me after watching the interview between Bill Moyers and Greg Mortenson. Mr. Mortenson exhibits a peace and enlightenment not unlike what one could see in Mandella and ML King. He talked about getting up the courage to act in the interview. His courage should not be confused with fearlessness. Courage is about acting in the face of fear - there can be a complete selflessness to real courage.-p.a.2010-01-16

Mr. Mortenson wrote Three Cups of Tea about his journey that led him to build girls schools in Afghanistan.

Bill Moyers Journal: Read the transcript or watch the video of interview with Greg Mortenson on Afghanistan experiences

365 Tao: Healing

"Fire cools.
Water seeks its own level." 365 Tao #11

Text

"No matter how extreme a situation is, it will change. It cannot continue forever. Thus, a great forest fire is always destined to burn itself out, a turbulent sea will become calmer. Natural events balance themselves out by seeking their opposites, and this process of balance is at the heart of all healing.
This process takes time. If an event is not great, the balancing required is slight. If it is momentous, then it may take days, years, even lifetimes for things to return to an even keel. Actually, without these slight imbalances, there could be no movement in life. It is being off balance that keeps life changing. Total centering, total balance would only be stasis. All life is continual destruction and healing, over and over again.
That is why, even in the midst of an extreme situation, the wise are patient. Whether the situation is illness, calamity, or their own anger, they know that healing will follow upheaval."

Healing
Emotional healing requires time and self care. Few of us have been raised to appreciate that all three: the body, mind, and spirit must be nurtured and cared for. My sister called me after an appointment with a medical doctor last week. She recounted what the doctor told her. He said, "People take better care of their automobiles than they do their bodies." This is so true. Now take that a step further. People will take better care of their bodies than they will their minds and their emotional health. Many people are raised to tough it out, to not perform self care, as doing so is a sign of weakness. The reality is that self care is vital, and breaking outside of the conditioning and the societal pressure to "tough it out" itself takes a great deal of strength. It is much easier just to go along with the herd.
I am contemplating what I want to work on this year. In doing so, I need to listen - sometimes the path is obscured and barely marked, sometimes the voice you should be following is faint and distant. We all need to still and quiet ourselves and clear our minds so we can receive these all important guideposts. -p.a.


365 Tao by Deng Ming-Dao

365 Tao: Emerging

"Thunder and rain at night.
Growth comes with a shock.
Expression and duration
Appear in the first moment." 365 Tao #6
Text
"Things cannot remain in stillness forever. Winter storms may destory some things, but they prepare the way for life. If things are swept away it is appropriate. There must be an opportunity for new living things to emerge and begin their own.
All growth comes with a shock. When a sprout breaks its casing and forces its way to the surface of the earth, it is the climax to a long and deep accumulation of life force. We may think that it came up suddenly, but in actuality, it emerged as the product of unseen and subtle cycles.
When the seedling appears, it carries with it the complete pattern for growth, perhaps even the makings of an enormous tree. Although time and the right conditions are necessary, neither of those factors add anything to the inherent nature of the seedling. It completely embodies its destiny. Therefore, the growth and character of the plant - and its very life - are all present at the moment of emerging."

365 Tao: Sound

"Wind in the Cave: Movement in stillness.
Power in Silence." 365-Tao #5
Text
"In a cave, all outer sounds are smothered by rock and earth, but this makes the sounds of one's own heartbeat and breath audible. In the same way, contemplative stillness turns us away from everyday clamor but allows us to hear the subtle in our own lives.
When listening not with the ear but with the spirt, one can perceive the subtle sound. By entering into that sound, we enter into supreme purity. That is why so many religious traditions pray, sing, or chant as a prelude to silence. They understand that the repetition and absorption of sound leads to sacredness itself.
The deepest sound is silence. This may seem paradoxical only if we regard silence as an absence of life and vibration. But for a meditator, silence is sound unified with all of its opposites. It is both sound and soundlessness, and it is in this confluence that the power of meditation emerges."

365 Tao: Reflection

"Moon above water. Sit in solitude." 365-Tao #4

Accompanying Text

"If waters are placid, the moon will be mirrored perfectly. If we still ourselves, we can mirror the divine perfectly. But if we engage solely in the frenetic activities of our daily involvements, if we seek to impose our own schemes on the natural order, and if we allow ourselves to become absorbed in self-centered views, the surface of our waters becomes turbulent. Then we cannot be receptive to Tao.
There is no effort that we can make to still ourselves. True stillness comes naturally from moments of solitude where we allow our minds to settle. Just as water seeks its own level, the mind will gravitate toward the holy. Muddy waters will become clear if allowed to stand undisturbed, and so too will the mind become clear if it is allowed to be still.
Neither the water nor the moon make any effort to achieve a reflection. In the same way, meditation will be natural and immediate."

Thoughts

"I have learned silence from the talkative, toleration from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet, strange, I am ungrateful to those teachers." -Kahlil Gibran

365 Tao: Devotion

"Make the crooked straight, Make the straight to flow.
Gather water, fire, and light.
Being the world to a single point." 365-Tao #3

365 Tao: Ablution

"Washing at dawn: Rinse away dreams.
Protects the gods within, And clarify the inner spirit." 365-Tao #2

We need to decide to cleanse ourselves of baggage and the clutter that distracts our lives. Clutter, extra weight, unhealthy relationships are all manifestations of internal dukha.

Ablution in Christianity (Wikipedia)

365 Tao and a simple resolution

Plan to post daily meditations as I have time. Don't want to get too obsessive about it.
"This is the moment of embarking. All auspicious signs are in place." 365-Tao.

If this is the case why am I still stuck in non-productive habits that form my own dukha?

Consider acquiring this book for yourself

What we say

I have to say that I spend considerable time on the telephone participating in teleconference. The calls can be taxing on one's patience.
So when I heard of this - I thought to myself that words have implications.

Matthew 12:34-37
O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. 35 A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things. 36 But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. 37 For by thy words thou shalt be justified, and by thy words thou shalt be condemned.

Seems like this is one of the universal truths - in all religous traditions.

Quote from Forbes

"Choose always the way that seems the best, however rough it may be; custom will soon render it easy and agreeable."

-Pythagoras

A note to our children

I don't have an issue with your choices. I just don't want you to give away your humanism and your ability to doubt and question. My belief is that doubting is the best path to real spirituality and faith. And remember faith is not about believing the myths and stories and dogma - it is about having a true belief and faith that things unfold and happen for a reason and that at the root of all existences there is god. He is not a white haired man sitting up on a thrown - God is that incomprehensible force that seems to be what the universe is built upon. The life of Jesus, when fully understood, provides access to great truths, peace, and love.

And never forget there are many paths to god and no one path has exclusive rights to the access of god, although they (all religions and their various subsects and denominations) surely claim to be the only true path.

The older I get the more I can appreciate the Christian experience on multiple levels. Christianity is based upon love and acceptance - few other religions on the planet take this focus. There is but one rule that needs to be followed, "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." - this means having symmetrical and equal relations with everyone including yourself. Jesus also said "Judge not, and be not judged" and this is a challenge for all of us - we habitually spend our time comparing ourselves with others - is that person better than me? that person is wild, so and so is a bad person, he is more successful than me, she is better looking, that person is a hypocrite, and so on. This continual judging leads to our own misery and suffering. By practicing non-judgment and acceptance - we can free ourselves from our own ego that tries to protect us from this suffering and misery. And what fills that void after we free ourselves from misery and suffering by stopping judging and comparing? God fills that void left in place of our ego.

Jesus made himself more available to tax collector and the criminal and the fallen than he did to those followers that were with him. He replied to his disciples when he was criticized for this by saying something akin to "the doctor is here for the ill among you not just for the healthy."

You will find as you get older and learn more that all religions share the same fundamental core truths, it is the dogma, the rituals, the belief in exclusivity, and the judgmental nature of all of us humans, that get in the way of these truths and the real value in religious practice.

By the way, mom and I probably read more about spirituality and faith than any other topic or interest we have. We are both seekers and we respect and value that you have both been willing to seek out your own way on your own without our prompting.

The Zen of Baseball

Watching the Cubs vs. Houston tonight, the announcer mentioned that Walter Alston, the great Dodgers manager, said "A full mind makes an empty bat".

Another Walter Alston quote: "Look at misfortune the same way you look at success - Don't Panic! Do your best and forget the consequences."

The man practiced what he preached in terms of staying in the moment - at a time when multiyear contracts were widely available - Walter chose to sign for one year at a time - for a record 23 one year contracts.

Gotha - Waking Up

I chose the following Gotha for the first twenty days of the e-course on Thich Nhat Hanh:

Waking Up
Waking up this morning, I smile.
Twenty-four brand new hours are before me.
I vow to live fully in each moment
and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.

I have not looked at everyone with compassion, and seldom am I fully present in the moment. This is a valuable Gotha for me.

Spirituality and Practice with Thich Nhat Hanh

I signed up for an inexpensive e-mail course through the Spirituality and Practice website based upon the writings of Thich Nhat Hanh. The first step of this e-course is to set my intentions for this 40 day virtual retreat. This is the first time I have tried one of these courses.

So where am I and where would I prefer to be?

Right now if we take a look at just two small areas, physical health and work life, I am not taking care of myself or those around me. My weight is at an all time high. I feel sluggish and tired every day. I continue to have sinus problems and pain from sciatica and an arthritic hip. It seems as if I am caught in a spiral where the sinus infections and chronic pain keep me from physical activity, which leads to stress, eating, spending, and sloth.

In terms of work, I find it difficult to concentrate on customer projects and have not met commitments. Right now I have at least three clients to which I have not delivered work that I committed to complete on their behalf.

I continue to spend money on books, gadgets, music in order to I believe have some connection - a connection to things.

Much of my ego and anxiety is once again wrapped up in my role and position with the FIX Protocol organization. I spend too much time working on that and not taking care of our family business.

The first step in the e-course is to set my intention on what I want to be and do during this 40-day virtual retreat.

The little bit I have learned on this trek over the past seven years is that there is a difference between putting down some things you want to accomplish and making a firm intention. An intention is more than a wish or a want - part of the intention is a commitment to carry through, to completion.

I intend to:

• perform the daily practice specified in the email
• focus on my clients needs and resolve and complete the commitments that remain undone
• reduce my discretionary purchases, while increasing my earning
• start setting time aside for a quite moment, start yoga, start exercise
• read the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh that I already have acquired over the years

Anger and irritability
I have been quite irritable lately. An absurd example of this is I finally looked at a book I purchased over a year ago, "Taming the Tiger Within: Meditations on Transforming Difficult Emotions" by Thich Nhat Hanh. I finally picked up this book I purchased and shelved over a year ago and immediately became incensed because each page only had a single sentence on it.
So the absurdity is not lost let me elaborate, I have shelves of unread books, here is one designed to help me focus on difficult emotions, and it is very brief, meaning it is an easy book to read and use. My response is negative and angry that I had been taken advantage of by the publisher at a minimum and perhaps by the author.

Why am I so upset? Is it with myself? How does this reaction involve my clear obsession with acquiring books usually that I want to use to gain a skill or transform myself, yet leaving these books unused?

On page 19 of "Taming the Tiger Within", Thich Nhat Hanh says:
"Before we can make deep changes in our lives, we have to look into our diet, our way of consuming. We have to live in such a way that we stop consuming the things that poison us and intoxicate us. Then, we will have the strength to allow the best in us to arise, and we will no longer be victims of anger, of frustration."

I find it intriguing that the form of the book that carries this message worked on my own weaknesses and emotional needs and attachments that I still am feeling anger at this moment. The human mind is a complex.

Turn a negative thought into a positive action

The enlightened ones I have read all seem to agree that it is difficult to harness the conscious mind. It seems to have a life of its own. One way I have found to surrender to negative thoughts is to answer a recurring negative thought with a positive action.
I recently left a job in which there was a real strained relationship with the business owner. I set my intentions on rebuilding and then maintaining a positive relationship with my former employer. Yet still negative thoughts would come forth. Instead of beating myself up or scolding myself for these thoughts or worse giving them credence and validity, I accept them while not believing them to be true and then look for positive ways to respond. In this particular case one of the big issues with my former employer from his side was my poor time and expense accounting. After being let go from my employer, I started up a family run business of our own. We found an excellent time and expense tracking system that we then procured and started using.
I recommended this time and expense tracking system to my former employer, even though they are now a competitor (technically speaking - hopefully more on competition later). This time and expense system, if they choose to adopt it, could provide them considerable benefit. I wish them well.
For me these unilateral positive steps create dissonance for my negative thought patterns. My conscious thoughts will soon magically start to comply with my positive actions, as the conscious mind tries to avoid inconsistency and dissonance.
Forgiveness is for one's self it is not for those to whom the forgiveness is directed.

More on Peace Pilgrim

The book about Peace Pilgrim is available from her website. She died in 1981 near Knox, Indiana in a traffic accident, by the time of her death she had traveled on a walking journey for 28 years.

This quote from Peace is quite meaningful to me, If you want to make peace, you must be peaceful.

The book is available freely as a download or a bound copy in many languages can be purchased.

Peace Pilgrim

Just learned about Peace Pilgrim - a woman that changed her name and went on a walking sojourn spreading the peace message.

Today's Buddhist quote of the day is from Peace Pilgrim

You are now in control of your life. You see, the ego is never in control. The ego is controlled by wishes for comfort and convenience on the part of the body, by demands of the mind, and by outbursts of the emotions. But the higher nature controls the body and the mind and the emotions. I can say to my body, "Lie down there on that cement floor and go to sleep," and it obeys. I can say to my mind, "Shut out everything else and concentrate on this job before you," and it's obedient. I can say to my emotions, "Be still, even in the face of this terrible situation," and they are still. It's a different way of living. The philosopher Thoreau wrote: If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps he hears a different drummer. And now you are following a different drummer--the higher nature instead of the lower. - Peace Pilgrim